Saturday, February 21, 2009

who gives a care?

I have come to the realization lately(well not really, but it is only recently that I realized that I should probably do something about it) that I put off a front as someone who doesn't care about much. I dont know exactly how I am seen, as I cant view myself through another persons perspective. There are probably only a handful of people in this world that have much of a knowedge of my inner workings. I do care. I think. I have dreams, aspirations, desires, emotions, struggles, fears, anxiety, confidence. I have a full pallate of colors that make up the portait inside me. I think the problem is that I often hold things back. Sometimes it is because i worry what other people might think. Sometimes it is because i cant align the thoughts in my mind to come out of my mouth correctly. Sometimes its because there is just too much swirling in my head at once to organize it. It is something that I have always had a problem with but have only recently become aware that I can get around. There have been some events in my life recently that have caused me to open up to a lot of people that I have know and it feels amazing. It didnt matter if I had known someone for 6 months, or 20 years there were things that I had held back from everyone. Finally I have figured out that it is ok to show my weaknesses. I can share my dreams. I can let my fears be known and I dont have to worry about being judged, because the odds are I wont be. And what if I am? what then? well who cares, there are always those who will judge and it doesnt matter. It's great to be me regardless of what anyone else thinks.

I am going to try adding something to every post and see how it goes.. for now new vocabulary. such as this one I picked up while reading the newspaper today:

oligarchy- a government in which the power is in the hands of a few

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

its all in my head.. or is it?

so this is nothing new, not a secret, not some magic, and yet sometimes its easy to forget that being happy is just a heartbeat away from being sad. letting the world get you down is just an effort away from stepping up and ruling the day..and its all up to my mind to decide which it will be.
the day might start off crappy, but i can flip it on its ear in an instant if i choose to.
today was one of those days.. the weather was shite.. work less than inspiring.. and not much to look forward to after work..
but as i was sitting there at lunch, for some reason something creeped in. I dont know where it came from and i dont care. a smile started to creep across my face. what is this feeling? its it optimism? dont question it. just go with it! go talk to the guys and tell a joke. smile. get on the phone and find out where that information you are waiting for is! take no prisoners!
the day has been "carpe'd" and it didnt take a magic wand. It didnt take an effort from anybody else. it didnt take a single penny to do. just a change of attitude. how is it so easy to forget that we have the power right there in our hands the whole time, all it takes is reigning it in. dont dwell in the negative or the things you cant change. look at what you can do to improve the situation. there is almost nothing to it

Sunday, February 15, 2009


Oh. I guess i have been toying with the idea of starting to blog for a while. I started off with a journal a while ago, it got addicting so I figure i would give this a try!

I have been thinking a lot lately about what life has in store especially when it comes to relationships. Specifically I mean girlfriend/boyfriend and eventually marriage. Does anybody really find a person who they think is "perfect"?
For arguments sake you have a list of what kind of qualities your perfect partner would possess.
Now, lets say you meet someone and you take it slow and you try to get to know them. You start thinking that things are going the right direction. Maybe not perfect but going in in a good direction and you generally happy.
BUT. now you go back to your list and there are things that your partner is missing. even though things are going good should you freak out? are you "settling" if you accept them even though they don't match your list?
How do you draw the line? I have asked around to a few people and kind of the response i got was "well when you find someone that you just feel right about you kind of just forget about those wants you had. you don't think of it as "settling" just settling down and realizing that nobody is perfect, so if you want to be happy you just accept it.
so let me know? what do you think about this subject?